We won't even go into how unreliable I've become in terms of being where I'm supposed to be one time, if at all, thanks to sleepless nights and ever-changing nap schedules (thank you teething!), but simply not being able to do anything I used to love doing has been difficult. I am a yoga instructor and I love teaching, but I haven't been able to commit to regular classes since Caleb arrived. I have tried, but with Shawn working 65+ hours a week and never getting home on time, coupled with a baby who wants to eat from me every two hours, it didn't work well. Even worse, I haven't been able to practice regularly. Once I got into the groove of going two to three times a week for a month or so, but then we moved out of our apartment and now I'm too far from a studio. I've learned that's just how parenting goes! It seems that every time we fall into a nice groove, it changes. What a lesson in acceptance! I'm learning, something I think I'll continuously be learning, to stop fighting all the changes and just accept them. This is my life right now and I'd rather enjoy it than fight it. One day I will look back and miss when my baby was so little and I don't want to remember that I was always fighting the changes or just "trying to get through it." So how do I enjoy it, now that I've made it sound so absolutely terrible (which by the way, it totally isn't)?! Well, I focus on the smiles, the heart-warming giggles, the cuddles, the daily developments and huge baby milestones, the unbelievable way it feels to hold and watch my baby as I nurse him, the chubby cheeks and thighs, the sound of the most amazing word in the world - "mama," and the gift of being with him every day while he is so little instead of having to leave him with someone else. I focus on being grateful, which helps me a lot. Sometimes I get into a complaining rut where I feel bad for myself for not having a mom or mother-in-law around to give me a break sometimes, let alone 40 hours each week, but I quickly remind myself that if I was at work all week, I'd miss my baby all the time. I also remind myself that even though I don't have either of Caleb's grandma's here, I have two grandfathers and two awesome great-grandmas, some rockin' aunts, a fabulous Aunt Sandie and "Nanando," and so many other awesome people in my life to love Caleb and help me out when I need it. What you focus on becomes your reality, so I try not to focus on the challenges so much as the blessings (again, something I have to keep working at every day).
Aside from that, I also try my best to focus on myself, and Shawn. I may not be able to make it to the yoga studio very often right now but I can roll out my mat downstairs and do a few postures when the baby naps. Ideal? No, and often he wakes up right after I start, but that's better than nothing! See, becoming a mom really just takes an attitude adjustment, otherwise you'll drown in a sea of nostalgia. Life used to be a lot easier but now it's a lot better! Instead of focusing on all I'm missing out on, I try to shift my focus to all the cuddles, smiles, and precious little moments with my baby. I listen to the voice inside of me that expresses the occasional need for more me time, like getting to an actual yoga class or heading over to the coffee shop to write or chat with a friend, and ask Shawn for help to see it through. Likewise, I watch Caleb for him to get to the gym or do anything he needs to. We are a team and we're both going through so many changes that is important to help take care of not just ourselves, but also each other. Before there was a baby, there was a relationship. Caleb is the by-product of my love for Shawn and his for me, and it's important to remember that. Caleb shouldn't be #1, though many new parents often make that mistake. It's easy to fall so in love with your little one that you forget who you are really in love with, and that's when many problems start. I recently saw something on Pinterest that said "Spoil your spouse, not your kids!" and I really loved it. How true, though many people have it backwards. Trying to be Super Mom and do everything alone is also a big mistake most new moms make, one that breeds frustration with and bitterness toward the spouse/partner. Trust me, I realized this early on and have to work on fighting the super mom urge every day! These are easy mistakes to make but ones that aren't easy to undo. It is so important to push myself to find the time to connect with Shawn and get out of the house together, without the baby. It is hard at the beginning but necessary for a healthy relationship, and after just a couple times, it won't feel like just another thing on the old to-do list but something you genuinely look forward to! Sometimes it feels like the baby changed everything, I know, but remember not to let the baby change everything. Your partner still deserves you and your love and attention, even more than baby does.
As always, I hope some of the realizations I've had and lessons I've been learning help you in some way... Hugs!
