From a Woman to a Mother: The "Pain" of Labor

Today Shawn texted me that a couple of the girls at work, old friends of mine, were talking about my pregnancy and how great it is that I’ve practiced yoga throughout it and am planning on a natural birth with no induction.  He said they referred to me as their hero, and thought sharing their comments with me would make me feel good.  It made me smile but it also made me think about the high expectation everyone now has for my birth, knowing my wishes for it be as natural as possible.  I’ve made it clear that I’m planning to go through labor without an epidural or any pain medication whatsoever, but do I really know if I can do that?  I’ve never been good with pain and childbirth is supposed to be the worst kind of pain there is!  I mean, come on, it’s as if the entire world is ending when I get a cold for gosh sakes!  Have I been talking a big game, one I’m not prepared to back up?   But just as soon as those thoughts entered my mind I countered them with positive thoughts.  Yes, I can do this, I know I can.  I understand that labor is going to be “painful” but so are a lot of things in this world (I use quotation marks because painful is simply a label we place on things that are uncomfortable for us).  I was “painful” when I lost my mom and I got through that, it was “painful” when I severely over-trained for my first half marathon and stressed my peroneal tendon and was off my foot for weeks, it was “painful” when my ex-boyfriend broke up with me via text message without ever saying goodbye or explaining why he did it, and it was pretty “painful” to push through my first 30-day hot yoga challenge and two-classes per day teacher training, back to back, but I got through all those things too.  Everything passes with time and nothing lasts forever, not even labor.  That’s what I plan to remind myself of when the pain gets overwhelming.  I’m only going to feel like this for a short time, and then it will all be over and my son will be in my arms at last.  More importantly than that, though, is understanding the importance of the pain.  What feels like pain, if I label it as such, is nothing more than my muscles contracting and my body opening more and more with each one.  The physical sensations of labor might be uncomfortable, to say the least, but they are what it takes to bring my son into the world.  I don’t want to fight them and struggle through them, especially when they are helping me to birth my son, but rather surrender to them.  I want to experience each one in its entirety and focus on only one at a time, knowing that the stronger they get, the closer I am to my meeting my son.  All I know right now is that the process won’t be easy, but the best things in life never are.  I’ve packed my hospital bag with things that will both inspire and comfort me, such as a picture of my mom for my focal point, birth affirmations, and a handheld massager.  I expect that labor will be the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but it is necessary both to give birth to my son and to the mother inside of me.  Labor will probably push me past my current limits, both mentally and physically, but only by coming to my edge will I realize, once again, that the only limits that exist are the ones I tell myself exist.  I can get through labor and birth my son naturally if I make up my mind to do so and don’t let the pain get the best of me.  It is much easier said than done, as is anything, but all I really need to do is surrender to the pain rather than fight it and struggle through it, and allow my body to do exactly what it knows how to do.

Am I scared?  No.  I honestly am not.  Am I unsure of what labor is going to feel like and if I’m going to be able to manage the pain as well as I expect?  Absolutely, and that’s okay.  It’s kind of like that saying, “Leap and the net will appear.”  It doesn’t appear before you take the leap, and I won’t know how I’m going to handle labor until I’m in it!  There’s no way to know what it will feel like until I experience it myself.  Contractions feel different for everyone and labor is different for each women and each pregnancy, so there’s no sense in driving myself crazy thinking about what it will feel like and how I’ll cope.  My plan is nothing more than to try to stay as relaxed as possible and breath, knowing how important that is, and to remember that my body is opening with each contraction and bringing me closer to my son.  Simple.  I am not looking forward to the pain, but I understand it’s importance in labor and it’s importance in everything.  The things that have caused me the most pain in life have always taught me the most and labor will be no different.  I will learn how strong I really am, so much stronger than I currently think.  I will learn to listen to my body on a whole new level.  I will learn to trust myself more.  I will learn to accept help when I need it.  I will learn how to put my child in front of myself.  And most of all, somewhere in the midst of all the contractions and a “pain” I’ve never known, I will die to the person I always was, selfish and weak, and I will be born a mother, selfless and strong.  Labor is necessary to mold me into the mother I will be.  “Pain” is what teaches us to be strong, and I look forward to this opportunity to prove to myself how much stronger I am than I think, to give Caleb the healthiest start possible, and to show my son that there is nothing I wouldn’t do for him.   Most of us spend our lives trying to hide or run from “pain” but it is important to understand the significance of it.  The times I went through the most “pain” in my life were the times I felt the weakest, but ironically, they immediately preceeded the times in my life when I felt strongest and grew the most.  My labor with Caleb will be no exception.  I walk into that hospital a woman and I walk out a mother.  Pain is the process.  It makes me sad how many women don’t give themselves the chance to make it through labor naturally, but perhaps that’s because they don’t believe in themselves or understand the significance of their “pain.”  No one wants to experience “pain” or discomfort, but when we understand its purpose in our unending growth and transformation, it becomes much more bearable – if not appreciated!

My labor may not go as planned, especially if it’s anything like life, but that’s all part of it.  Anything that happens will be practice for parenting – practice listening to myself, trusting my instincts, and doing what is best for my son first and foremost.  Standing up to the doctor against induction was practice for labor, and labor will be practice for my life as a parent.  I hope things go smoothly, the way I believe they will, but it Caleb turns or his heart rate unexpectedly drops or something goes wrong, I trust that I will make the best decision for my son, even if it means deviating from my birth plan.   I am happy right here, right now, curled up on my couch with my laptop propped up just below my bulging belly, and whenever Caleb chooses to start my labor, I will be ready.  Pain is just a label and contractions last only a short time, but the love that is born the moment a mother holds her child will last forever. <3

There's No Such Thing As A Late Baby!

Since I became pregnant I have done an immense amount of reading and research on everything from the safest baby products and how to breastfeed to what happens in the body during labor and how inductions, epidurals, and other choices mommy makes affect both her child and herself during labor.  I'm not exactly sure why I felt so inclined to "do my research" except for the fact that I've always been a planner.  I believe knowledge is power, and without my mom here to share her experiences and views, and my sisters so busy with their own kids and lives, I figured it was the best way to prepare myself.  The information I uncovered has helped me to plan the kind of birth I truly want and make my wishes known through a birth plan, stand up for what I now know is best for my baby and myself, feel confident in my decisions, and alleviate much of the anxiety and fear that first-time moms feel.  It also helped me immensely this week, when I was told by a doctor that I needed to schedule an appointment to induce my labor.  I got the chance to fall back on all the information I have learned about inductions to support why I did not feel comfortable with it, and was quite surprised by the doctor's reaction.

Monday of this week, five days ago, was my due date.  Wednesday was my next doctor's appointment.  Shawn and I were scheduled to see a new doctor, someone we've never met before, just in case he's the one on call when we deliver.  When the doctor entered the room, he smiled, shook our hands as he introduced himself, and seemed very nice.  Just as soon as the door shut behind him, he said: "Okay, so today you're 40 weeks and 2 days pregnant.  We don't like pregnancies to go past 41 weeks so we should set up an appointment today for induction."  Wow, just like that.  I assume the look on my face expressed my shock.  He looked at me, waiting for a response, and boy was I ready!  "Well, I'm actually not okay with that.  I'm only two days past my due date right now and I don't believe in inducing labor.  Babies come when they are ready.  My doctor knows my wishes on this matter as laid out in my birth plan, that I don't want to even discuss induction until and if I reach the 42-week mark, and he is completely okay with that."  His response was simply, "Oh, okay, then we'll just schedule a regular appointment with your doctor for next week, no problem."  All I could think was, Well if not being induced is totally fine and no problem, then why did you say I needed to do it?  He added: "But you will have to have a stress test to make sure everything's okay and that an induction is not medically necessary."  I asked what the stress test entailed while he measured my belly and monitored Caleb's heart beat, which was louder and stronger than ever.  "Man, he's a happy little camper in there," the doctor said with a laugh.  I smiled at my son's cue, thinking, Does that sound like a distressed baby to you?  After he performed my internal exam and relayed that there had been no changes, he sat me up and I thanked him for his time.  I revisisted the topic of induction and told him that at 42 weeks, or if something happens that makes induction medically necessary or the safest option for my son, I will obviously reconsider, but that at this point I wanted to wait on Caleb.

Shawn looked a little down when we left and I understood.  We were both a little bummed that there had been no further progress and shocked that the topic of induction had been brought up so soon!  My regular doctor had assured me that they do not push inductions due to resulting complications and that he wouldn't even start talking to me about the possibility of one until I was at least 41 weeks along, so today caught me off guard.  Shawn told me how proud he was of the way I stood up for Caleb and myself, and we talked about how crazy it is that induction really is pushed as much as it is these days.  I mean, for God's sake, a due date is a complete guess, based on the last date of a menstrual cycle that I couldn't come close to remembering!  And considering I measured two weeks small the whole pregnancy, doesn't it stand to reason that my estimated date of conception was off and my due date was probably early to begin with?  Goodness, talk about jumping the gun and not even giving my child a chance to come on his own, let alone giving my body the chance to start labor on its own!

When I got home from dropping Shawn off at work, I felt a little depressed.  Even though I know most first-time babies are late, I was so excited to meet my son and watching my due date come and go was a little bit hard.  The slew of Facebook comments, text messages, and phone calls from people asking "Where is the baby?!" didn't help.  I don't know when my baby is coming, just like my doctor's don't.  In fact, I think these weekly checkups are pretty pointless and do nothing but create anxiety.  My doctors informed me that some women who come in 2 or 3 cm dilated stay that way for a week or two, and other women come in with no signs of labor and have their baby that same day.  So what's the point?!  No one knows exactly what starts labor but more and more evidence is suggesting that the baby releases a hormone that triggers the mother's body to start contractions.  To me, this is nothing short of amazing because the baby decides when he or she wants to come out.  I don't want a doctor's schedule to determine when Caleb's birthday is, I want Caleb to decide that.  Babies are meant to come when they are ready, not when mommy is done being pregnant or a doctor is ready to pull them out and move onto the next patient.  The birth of a child is one of the biggest and most momentous life events there is and every woman has the opportunity to plan for the type of birth she wants.  No, births cannot be planned just as life cannot be planned and unexpected things do happen, but moms can certainly hold a vision for the type of birth they'd like to have and should at least educate themselves on how the decisions they make, especially in the event of unplanned circumstances, will effect both their baby and themselves.  If a woman knows all the facts about inducing labor and still wants to be induced, I believe she should be able to be.  If a woman knows how an epidural will effect her baby and herself and wants one anyways, go for it!  I'm not about to preach about the importance of a natural birth because they aren't important to everyone, but I do feel very strongly that women should be having the birthing experiences that they are because that's the kind of birth they wanted, not because it's what what their doctors wanted or what they were pushed into or made to believe was their only option.  Doctors play into the fear and anxiety that all parents-to-be feel, unfortunately, but knowing the facts will help you not fall victim to unnecessary medical interventions, ones that often make birthing more dangerous and painful.

Dear Mommys-to-be everywhere: YOU are the mother of your child, no one else, and no one can tell you what is best for your baby besides you.  If you don't educate yourself and stand up for yourself and your baby, who will?!  You have been entrusted with a life and there is no greater responsibility than that.  Your baby is trusting YOU, not your doctor or partner or family members, to make the best decision for him/her that you possibly can.  Yes, this can be overwhelming at times, but all you really need to do is tune out all the other voices and tune into your own.  Flex the muscles of your motherly intuition and exercise your right to make your child's entrance into the world as beautiful and special as possible.  You do not have to do anything you don't want to and you do not have to go along with any decisions you are not okay with.  A doctor cannot do anything unless you let him.  End of story.

It saddens me how many stories I've been reading on Facebook of women who were told they needed to be induced and went along with that, without question, only to be filled with regret and questions later when they realize that is why they ended up having an overly painful/difficult experience or a c-section.  Look at what happened to me the minute I said I didn't want to be induced!  The doctor was totally fine with it because he knew it wasn't medically necessary at all!  So why do they act like it is?  Doctors, nurses, hospitals, etc., like to keep the ball rolling.  They like schedules.  To them, you're just another patient and your child is just another baby.  It is up to you to treat yourself, your body, and your baby with the respect they deserve and to stand up for the kind of birth you want.  So, if you want the facts, here they are:

~Only 3-5% of babies come on their due date
~50% of all first-time babies are late (Yes, that means 1 out of every 2!)
~A recent study found that women whose labor was induced were twice as likely to have a cesarean section
~Pitocin, the drug most commonly used to induce labor, is meant to act like its natural counterpart oxytocin (a hormone the body releases to start labor) but it doesn't. It actually overrides the body's natural oxytocin and thereby doesn't trigger the release of endorphins (the body's natural pain relievers) so women experience more "pain."  Pitocin-induced contractions are often back-to-back and double peaked, with no rest time in between, which often leads to the administration of pain medication
~Pitocin blocks the endorphins that start coursing through the body and help the baby know it's time to be born so he/she can come down the birth canal quicker and in a better position.  The result?  Longer labor, so nurses often pump you with even more Pitocin, and more pushing
~The blood supply to the uterus and baby is temporarily cut off during contractions, so Pitocin-induced contractions are more dangerous and can cause babies' heartrate to drop, which is why c-sections are often called for

Now here's the scariest statistic of all! After reading all the above facts, I was very disturbed to discover that in the United States last year, 81% of women who had a hospital birth received Pitocin during their labors, either for induction or augmentation (to get labor started again if/when it stalls, which can happen when mom tenses up and forgets the importance of breathing and relaxing as much as possible).  This is so scary because Pitocin was only ever meant to be used when contractions are ineffective, not before they ever even start!  Pitocin can be a great drug when used the right way, but the problem is that more often than not, it isn't being used the way it was intended to be.

I knew most of these statistics for months, but if I didn't, would I have gone along with what the doctor said, assuming he knows best?  Probably, and that is the biggest mistake we can make as mothers.  Yes, it is important to trust your doctor, which is why you need to select the right doctor for you and the kind of birth you desire, but it is much more important to listen to and trust YOURSELF.  If you are in my shoes right now, or find yourself past 40-weeks pregnant in the future, you will probably be bombarded by well-meaning friends and family members constantly asking where your baby is, your doctor will consider the baby "late" or "overdue," your anxiety may start to rise, and you will most likely be approached about inducing labor, but try to remember this, if nothing else: There is no such thing as a late baby!  Every baby comes right on time, exactly when they are meant to.  Most pregnancies go over 40 weeks and that's because due dates are complete guesstimates, they aren't set in concrete.  We try to put science behind it but birth isn't a scientific event, it's a miraculous event!  No one and no machine can tell you when your baby was conceived and when he or she should be born.   Babies rarely come on their due dates but they do come when they are ready, if we only let them.

Caleb, thank you for giving mommy practice standing up for you before you're even here!  My motherly instincts are becoming stronger and I'm getting better at listening to them.  Thank you for giving me a reason to start flexing my parenting muscles right now.  You just take your time, keep growing, and whenever you're ready, daddy and I can't wait to meet you!!  <3